writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
