i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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