There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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