I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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