$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
