Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
