Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
