Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
