And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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