is your mom at the bar?
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize