Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Randomize
