I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
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