she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
