Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize
