Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
