remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
