Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
She just used a chaser for red wine.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
