the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
