I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
