I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
