If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Randomize
