I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
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