Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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