You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
