Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
