youre lurking in front of me
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
