I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
my shit smells like andre
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
