I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Randomize
