considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
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