I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
