i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
