if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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