Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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