you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize