Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize