Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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