That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
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