he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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