You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize
