the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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