her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
please come you make the beer taste better
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize