Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
