I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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