hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
