I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Randomize
