yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize