You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
