My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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