shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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