3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Randomize
