ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
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