the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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