There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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