should my penis look like a turkey
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Randomize
