I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
