He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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