Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
