I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Less talking, more tequila
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
