a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Randomize
