i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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