her vagina looked like bernie madoff
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
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