Moan for me like Helen Keller
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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