I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
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