1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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