just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
I see more hoeing in ur future
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
