Acid is not a monday night drug
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
