just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
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