just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
