Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
