having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
