Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
there's paper in my vomit.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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