You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
