She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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