Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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