I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Randomize