eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
