dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
