My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
