high people should be assigned attendants
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
