did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
