I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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