nut hugger
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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