At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
