Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
is that a dick in a sweater?
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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