so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize