YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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