How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
