Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
