unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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