i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
