ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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