its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
