Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize