Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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