Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
a search helicopter?!
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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