If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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