thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
