Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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