I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
