Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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